


I Can't Wait To Come Back When I'm Goin' Away

by revenblue



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Character Study, Gen, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24370900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: You leave, so you can come back.
Relationships: Ferb Fletcher & Phineas Flynn & Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	I Can't Wait To Come Back When I'm Goin' Away

"Where's Perry?"

Even after all this time, it hurts to hear. The reminder that your boys, your _owners_ , notice when you disappear each day. They've never tried to _follow_ you, for which you're grateful, but your heart aches every time you have to go.

But it's your _job_ , to leave, to fight Evil wherever it may be, and they're there as your cover. A cover you've come to believe, on some level. Technically against policy but what OWCA doesn't knows can't hurt them. You're your family's pet, as much as you're Heinz's nemesis, as much as you're an agent at all. As much as you know you shouldn't care, you'd be devastated if you ever lost any of them. Even the thought makes your stomach twist uncomfortably.

You almost _did_ lose them, once. More than once. Reassigned, one time. Had your identity compromised on another.

And then there was the time you had them, all of them, Ferb and Phineas and Candace and Heinz, everyone who matters to you, relying on _you_ to keep them alive. In your line of work, _you_ have to rely on your own strength, body and mind, to make it to the end of each day, but that's a stress you've chosen to take on, knowing the consequences. You never wanted to put them in the firing line.

What if your fingers had slipped? You see that play out in your nightmares, some nights, the thought that your strength might fail those who needed it most. That their deaths would be on your paws.

Mostly, you try not to think about that, because they're _safe_ , they're _alive_ , they're not in danger. You haven't put them in danger, through your own mistakes. Even when you leave, like you're doing now, they're always here when you come back. Deep down in some selfish part of your heart, you hope they always will be.

And you do have to leave them, for now, for your job. Fighting Evil. Usually you go easily enough to the briefing, but some days, like today, you hesitate. Not for any good reason, just to get one last glimpse of your family to keep in your heart while you fight. A reminder of who you're fighting for. Then the hidden panels covering your lair entrance closes and you're alone.

Loneliness, too, is something you've had to get used to. Something your training had covered extensively, because a life of secrecy is a hard one. Constantly on alert in case a mission goes wrong, in case your cover is compromised, in case anything happens at all that you haven't prepared for.

You learned long ago not to let any of it show. And, more importantly, to not let it affect your job. If your superiors have ever noticed any of your inner turmoil, they haven't mentioned it.

The briefing, as usual, goes smoothly, with Major Monogram his usual distracted self, and then you're flying off to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and the one person you can be yourself around. The real you, not an edited version of you.

That you can't be the whole of Perry the Platypus - agent, pet, watcher of soap operas - around your family is a constant ache in the back of your mind. You'd love to be open, you'd do almost anything to share the whole of your self with them, but for their safety and yours you _can't_. An agent's cover identity is the most sacred thing he has, and yours protects your family from harm. If they ever knew...

How they'd taken the news the first time, that had hurt too. To be rejected so thoroughly by some of the only people who've ever mattered to you. But it would have been worse to stand by and watch as they'd suffer, knowing you had the power to stop it, knowing it would be your fault in the first place.

You'd almost lost them that day. Not just to death at the hands of a cruel and uncaring evil scientist who looked like your nemesis, but to cruel and uncaring bureaucracy. You'd almost lost _everything_. Abandoning your cover to protect your family to protect your family directly had been a split-second decision and you don't regret it. OWCA would say you had a _choice_ , but they weren't _there_. They never had to _choose_. Watch your family suffer, or have them taken from you, and you'd chosen selfishly, wanting as much time as you could get before it was all over.

The worst part is, you'd found out what a life without any secrets could be like, and you _want_ that. Though they'd be in danger, you can't help but believe it would be worth everything. They'd know, and you'd be free, and you could _protect_ them. But you're too good an agent to ever risk it again. Selfish as you are, you have to focus on the job in front of you.

Growling, you run a paw over your face. You don't even remember what you've been sent to thwart. Too caught up in memories, regrets, what-could-have-beens. But you can't change the past. All you can do is focus on the present, and hope it never happens again.

Heinz, at least, will monologue about his scheme. How much your briefing covers, how much you know going in, never matters, because your nemesis will always explain himself. It's oddly comforting by this point.

Over the time you've fought him, you've found him occupying a similar place in your heart to your family. Truly a nemesis to hate. You don't know what you'd do if you lost him.

And, you remember, mind returning once more to that day, he gets on well with your family, which means more than anything else ever could. Anyone who encourages their brilliance is great in your books. Even your nemesis. How anyone could see your owners' genius and not love them, you're not sure. And, of course, you trust him. Your superiors don't, and for good reason, but he has your trust where it matters. When it comes to protecting your family.

He also misses you when you leave, though he'd never say it. Sometimes you wish you could stay longer. It'd be nice to keep him company through the evening, but you never have the _time_.

Maybe one day you could bring him to meet your family again. There's no way it'll _happen_ , not while he could accidentally destroy your life in one fell swoop, not when he wouldn't recognise you anyway, but you can dream. Everyone you care about in the one room. Your owners would accept your nemesis as he is, even with all his many flaws, they're loving boys and that's a big reason why you adore them. And Heinz, well, you've seen him with them. He'd be the responsible - hah - adult role model they can look up to. He'd believe Candace, too, that'd be great for her confidence. Might even curb her need to bust.

Until then, you'll keep the two sides of your life separate. Your family, your owners, who you love with all your heart in the way of a pet, on one side. Your nemesis, hate and an odd affection blending together into an indescribable feeling, on the other.

And you, caught between.

As much as you love both sides, and you have no other words to describe what they all are to you, you can't truly stay with either. Spending time with one means leaving the other. And you'll do it. You'll sacrifice your time, your effort, for all four of them. It's the least you can give them, for allowing you into their lives.

On the other paw, leaving one means returning to the other, and you're always greeted so warmly. Something to look forward to.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Sorry For Now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylj0Xiiw1pM) by Linkin Park.
> 
> This is actually the second fic I've posted based on SFN, although it was the first one I drafted. I just felt _guilty_ over managing to make it about Heinz again when the entire reason I wanted to make a SFN-inspired fic (the entire reason I've wanted to for oh three years now) was Perry's _family_ , but then I wrote the other one so that's fine now, I got the important thing in there XD


End file.
